Let me show you something amazing...
Everyone dreams of being successful one day. Being rich, famous, powerful, loved, respected, and many other things. Having the right job, the right family, the right possessions, the right home. Basically being arguably better off than they are right now.
Of course, very few people seem to find success: that’s why it’s such a rare thing. Right? Not really.
The real problem is that people don’t have a clear definition for what being successful is. All they know is that right now, their lives are somehow not good enough and there’s this thing out there called “success” that will make everything fall into place. They feel a lack and it seems like having a better job, a better house, a better significant other, or just plain anything that brings them better status would make them better off. That’s just not the case.
What about going to the right school?
No.
What about having the right friends?
No.
What about being highly skilled at something?
No.
Well if material possessions won’t do it, how about just being a better person?
Nope. Not that either.
Surprised? It’s really quite simple. People carry with them all kind of preconceived notions about what kind of person they should be because they feel that they would stop being the people that they are. So, if you follow this reasoning, the people who want success the most are the ones that are the most flawed, right? Close but not quite. What’s really going on is that these people only believe they’re somehow inferior, worthless, or just generally not good enough. Being able to do or achieve superior, worthwhile, or above par things only allows them to forget those negative feelings they have about themselves.
There’s a rub, however.
These negative beliefs are only temporarily forgotten. These beliefs of inferiority and worthlessness that most people carry around with them are part of their identity. Getting a better job or a better house or something like that doesn’t actually change these beliefs, resulting in a never-ending need for more as they only temporarily forget their problem. This is why people can be addicted to buying things. This is why people can spend their whole lives seeking approval from others. This is why people spend their entire lives chasing after elusive daydreams and jumping from one new and improved something to another.
A great example would be celebrities. These people have money and fame and supposedly life is good. But gossip magazines still make tons of money reporting the crazy things they still do. If money and fame actually fixed a person’s self-esteem, then musicians and movie stars wouldn’t have to go to rehab. It’s that simple.
The real solution is to deal with those insecurities and inferiorities directly. Don’t know what they are? Try looking for them. Do you feel like you absolutely need something in order to be somebody? Well, without that thing, what kind of person do you feel you are? Now take that feeling, grab it, and move it aside. If that wasn’t there in the way, would that change how you felt about needing that thing? Think about it. If you put aside all reasons that you have for being the person you are and just took away that feeling, would you still have the same need?
Most likely your answer is going to be no. The reason is that your judgments about who you are and who you should be are all in your head, and they don’t have to be there. You learned them once, and you have the ability to unlearn them and change them now. So, what would make more sense: chasing endlessly after external things to validate you and make you feel successful until you eventually give up because nothing will ever permanently give you that feeling, or simply letting go of the faulty belief that causes that void in the first place?
Now I’m not saying that you should give up all your goals. But for those of you who seem to drift around life endlessly without actually finding satisfaction, or feel like you have to fight with other people tooth and nail to get it, perhaps you’re looking for the solution in the wrong place. Everyone wants to find personal fulfillment, but as long as you’re looking for it in the wrong way, you’re never going to find it.
So what is your definition of success? And what does that success allow you to feel? Does it allow you to feel like you’re truly alive and enjoying life, or filling some void or need? Are you doing it for personal satisfaction, or the need to impress others? If it’s filling a void or a need, perhaps it’s time to get in touch with what kind of person you feel that you are and choose whether you want to live life as that kind of person or if you want to change that unhelpful belief to something that makes you feel good about your life instead of trying to make someone else feel good.
Now perhaps this sounds utterly crazy to you, but think about it. You’ve accepted the external solution for things your whole life. That’s what everyone else accepts. Where has it gotten everyone? Where has it gotten you?
So the question is, are you going to accept the limiting beliefs that keep you essentially addicted to finding something that you only think is better? Are you going to accept all the ideas about the kind of person you “should” be that your family, friends, the media, and society in general have pressed upon you in hopes that you’ll feel good about yourself? Is this really success?
So here’s the answer to the question of what success is: once you clear those beliefs that you have that say you’re not good enough and need something external to validate you–like someone else’s acceptance or approval or money or possessions–and once you clear out all those ideas about what kind of person you “should” be, you’ll discover something extremely important. You’ll discover what it really is that you want out of life and what it is that gives life personal meaning for you.
And then when you follow that, you’ll have that thing called “success.”
Make sense?
