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Anyone who wants a better life, to be happier, or to attain some goal has to deal with one very important thing: change. Change is moving your life in a different direction. Change is something that people both desire and fear. It’s an interesting paradox. On the one hand, people are afraid of the unknown but on the other there’s much more in life that they want to experience. People get hung up on many things, however. They believe change is bad or that they don’t believe they have the capability to change. The biggest hangup, though, is that people are afraid to change who they are. Maybe some or all of these even apply to you. Let’s take a look.
First of all, change has a bad rap. For many people, change implies that something is wrong and to try to change is an admission of guilt with all the punishments and judgments that come with it. It’s also the force that upsets the stability in life that everyone tries to achieve in their home life, personal life, health and finances. People want to avoid rocking the boat.
The problem with this philosophy is that life is all about change. There are so many complex factors ranging from global events to weather to the decisions and actions of the people around you that there is no possible way of isolating yourself enough that life will always be predictable. Even in the backwoods of Alaska, you still have to deal with changes in weather and, one day, you might just wake up to find loggers cutting down your back yard. Then all the effort you put into making your life as stable and unchanging as possible was all for nothing.
Nothing is permanent. Change always happens for the better or for the worse-life is never static for too long-so why let random change and circumstance decide how change happens to you? Instead of sticking your head in the sand like an ostrich and hoping that nothing bad ever happens to you (it will, because bad things happen to everybody), you do have the option of taking some control of your life and guiding those forces for change in ways that will make you happy and fulfilled.
This brings us to the next point. Many people just don’t believe they’re capable of change. For some it’s a matter of not knowing how to do it (in which case keep reading and learning here), but for others they just don’t believe they’re capable. They’re somehow not good enough, or they just “know” they’ll fail if they try. They spend so much time looking at all the things they don’t have or aren’t capable of, that they never stop to think that they’re capable of learning, just like everyone else who was ever successful did.
Seriously. No one was ever born successful. It’s something they worked to achieve their whole lives for, even if it meant keeping on until they got lucky and hit a big break. Honestly, I think the best example I could give of this is in the book Reallionaire by Farrah Gray. This is an autobiography by a young black man who grew up in the Chicago ghettos. His family was on public assistance and all around him was the hopelessness and fear of one of the worst neighborhoods of in the US. So what makes Farrah noteworthy? He became a millionaire by the time he was 15.
No, that’s not a typo.
How did he do it? Well, I seriously encourage you to read the book, but I’ll tell you that he had a passion-to get out of the ghetto and make sure his family never had to live there again-the drive to learn, and the willingness to find mentors and friends who would support him. If you’re reading this, most likely, you have the desire to learn, at least an idea of what you want to do, and you’re at a site designed to provide support. You’re not so different than Mr. Gray, it’s just that the situations are different even though the elements are there.
But, of course, many people would argue that they’re different people than Farrah is. To that my reply is, why don’t you change who you are? You’re a different person, both physically and mentally, now than when you were 16, and at 16 you were different than when you were 8, and at 8 you were different than when you were 4. Everyone matures physically, but it was your reaction to the situations around you that changed the kind of person you were every step of the way. Every strength and every weakness that you developed was something that you learned along the way. Even adults learn and change in response to major life events. Getting a new job, or getting married, or having children changes your view of yourself and your place in the world.
But a lot of people like to believe that they just don’t change. They look for a lot of reasons why they are the way they are to justify it, but fact still remains that everything they believe about who they are is something that they learned. Things that are learned are not integral parts of them. It’s like installing software on a computer. Right now I have a desktop PC that I run Windows on. It would still be a computer if I were running Linux instead. Whether I’m playing games on it or writing pages for my website, it’s still a computer. The software was put into the computer to make it work a certain way. Some ways are useful—like being able to write this right now—and some times the software just doesn’t work and just stresses me out.
The things that you believe about yourself are a bit like software in that they can change. Your identity can change. Why not have something useful? Someone who clings to the identity of a poor black boy from the ghetto would never be able to make it in the world of business. Someone who clings to the identity of a failure will never find success. Someone who clings to to the identity of someone who can never change will always be at the mercy of fate and circumstance. But someone who takes on the identity of someone who can change will be successful in their goals. There are a lot of things in life that we can’t control, but simply being willing to change allows you to adapt and make the best of any situation. That’s a very important step toward being able to navigate life’s complexities and having the life you want.
Here’s my perspective on change. A lot of people believe that admitting that they have to change is admitting that there’s something wrong with them or that they’re doing the wrong thing. My belief is that being able to let go of the beliefs I have that keep me from being happy and enjoy life, I’m able to more flexible and more adaptable and thus able to achieve anything. Few people choose to identify themselves with their flaws, but my attitude is that rather than hiding from them, avoiding them, or ignoring them, I want to surpass them. Because I can, just like everybody else, and because these beliefs can change they’re definitely not a concrete part of who I am.
Let me say that again: because beliefs can change, they’re not at the core of who you are. So what’s the point in settling for living a life of avoidance and fear and pretending when I can make my life a genuinely happy one? I don’t like pretending, so I view my flaws and limitations as temporary and that I can overcome them and change to become the kind of person who can live the life that I want to live.
So, what beliefs are most useful to you in leading the life you want to live? Does being afraid of change, believing you’re incapable of it, or believing that you truly are flawed help you in any way? Do you want these attitudes to shape the way you live your life?
