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A few days ago, I was working with a friend of mine who’s trying to build a business. He was getting stressed out because things weren’t going well and he was getting overwhelmed, so I gave him a hand in sorting out his head and his supposed “fear of failure”. One of the things I found when working with him was a pattern I’ve been noticing more and more lately.

At first, he thought his issue was about not having the money he needed. That, however, is just the end of the process, not the cause of the real problem. The real problem is where he gets stopped in doing the things that will lead to him making money, but because he was generalizing “money” as the cause of his problems, he couldn’t see the real problems because he was so focused on that end result.

So here’s the pattern. Read the rest of this entry »

Recently I worked 3D Mind with a great guy who’d made a mistake, and it cost him. There was a car accident and he was sober, but someone else died and so he went to prison for over a year. Obviously, it wasn’t a pleasant experience, but his time in prison isn’t the focus today. It’s how it affected him later and what the simple cause of his problem really was.

He came to me because he was afraid to go out on the town. He didn’t want to run into people who he’d worked with before he went to prison and lost his job and have to talk to them about it. He wasn’t comfortable talking to his friends about it either. Also, he was avoiding meeting up with a friend he’d made in prison who’d recently gotten out. My client had gotten a basic counseling certificate while in prison and discovered that he enjoyed helping people, so he wanted to help this friend adjust to life after prison.

But he kept avoiding all this with a desperate need to put it all behind him. Now, many people would say that putting it behind you is a good thing, and I generally agree, but the problem was that it was in front of him constantly. It was getting in the way of simple things he wanted to do, like meet up with old friends and continue on with his life. That’s where it crosses the line past regretting the past and causing a problem. Read the rest of this entry »