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Personal change isn’t just something I bring to my clients, its something I live for myself. I was just reflecting on how I wonder how my life would have been different if I’d never learned the skills I have. I’d probably still be shy, depressed, and alone… Or worse.

The thing, though, is that back then when I’d try to imagine how much better my life could be in the future, it seemed somehow both awe-inspiring and scary at the same time. In fact, even when I think of some of my bigger stretch goals now I still have a sense of both possibility and of trepidation. That’s the thing about change. It seems like such a huge deal at the time.

But that’s not what change is.

I can do things now, like start up a random conversation with a stranger, that I just take for granted but would have scared the crap out of me years ago. It’s just normal for me now, and that’s what the best personal change is: taking the thing that scares the crap out of you and making it… Just normal.

You don’t have to get pumped up and motivated and find your passion to make a big change in your life. You just have to make that change… Not seem so big.

When I was first learning 3D Mind, I tried it out on a few friends. One was a cute girl I’d known for years and I asked her what she’d change about herself. She told me she was always comparing herself to other girls in the gym and she never felt attractive enough. She was plenty attractive.

I ran her through the process in 10 minutes and asked her if she still felt the need to compare herself to others at the gym. She said no. The best part, though, was when I talked to her a month later and I asked her,

“So, do you worry about how you look when you’re at the gym?”

She looked at me like I was an idiot and said, “No. Why would I do that?” as if she had never felt that before.

That’s what real change is.  If you think about it, there are probably plenty of things that have changed for you over the years that you take for granted now. It may have taken a long time to get there, but that’s how you know you’ve changed: it’s just normal for you now.

Of course, keep in mind you don’t need years to get to that point. If you have the right tools you can skip right to making the intimidating change a normal, everyday way of being.

Leave a comment and share your thoughts.

I’ve been working at personal change, both for myself and others, for at least a few years now.  If there’s anything I’ve noticed that’s a real pitfall when one is trying to change, it’s giving up.    And everyone does it.

I mean, we’ve spent our lives trying to avoid the things we’d really like to overcome.  If we didn’t want to avoid them, then they wouldn’t be a problem in the first place!  It would be great if it were simple enough to just immediately get over the problem and not have to sweat it.  Even with 3D Mind, though, sorting out your mind, behaviors and life in general is still a lot of work.  It’s easy to fall back on the behaviors we’re trying to change.

That’s life.  Unfortunately, it’s hard to examine ourselves in a completely objective way like an engineer programming a computer.  In a way, we ARE the computer, so any programming we do on ourselves can be muddled by what’s already there.  That just means it takes more work to see through our own mental crap to get to the other side. Read the rest of this entry »

Here’s a popular topic… and a good one at that.  I was reading Bart Loos’ blog a few days ago and he shared something pretty important.  Another coach told him, “Motivation is the feeling you need, to be able to do what you didn’t want to do in the first place.”  Bart, being a 3D Mind guy as well, pointed out that the best way to “motivate” yourself is to clear out the beliefs that keep you from wanting to do whatever it is you need to do.

Now, with this in mind, a 3D Mind buddy asked me about setting goals and staying focused.  I figured this would be a great topic to talk about.

Basically, I asked him what his goal was.  He wanted to learn more about web design and was having problems focusing on it.  The problem with that is that learning is NEVER a goal.  Learning is only a means to an end.  Now, that end could be satisfying curiosity, killing time, allowing someone to feel educated or important, or accomplishing something, but regardless of the intent learning is always a means to an end instead of a goal.  This is because learning is a process, and processes can’t be a goal.

So we narrowed it down.  What was the learning for?  So he could make money on building websites.  Now this is where most people create problems for themselves.  They think that money is a motivator.

It isn’t. Read the rest of this entry »