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Personal change isn’t just something I bring to my clients, its something I live for myself. I was just reflecting on how I wonder how my life would have been different if I’d never learned the skills I have. I’d probably still be shy, depressed, and alone… Or worse.

The thing, though, is that back then when I’d try to imagine how much better my life could be in the future, it seemed somehow both awe-inspiring and scary at the same time. In fact, even when I think of some of my bigger stretch goals now I still have a sense of both possibility and of trepidation. That’s the thing about change. It seems like such a huge deal at the time.

But that’s not what change is.

I can do things now, like start up a random conversation with a stranger, that I just take for granted but would have scared the crap out of me years ago. It’s just normal for me now, and that’s what the best personal change is: taking the thing that scares the crap out of you and making it… Just normal.

You don’t have to get pumped up and motivated and find your passion to make a big change in your life. You just have to make that change… Not seem so big.

When I was first learning 3D Mind, I tried it out on a few friends. One was a cute girl I’d known for years and I asked her what she’d change about herself. She told me she was always comparing herself to other girls in the gym and she never felt attractive enough. She was plenty attractive.

I ran her through the process in 10 minutes and asked her if she still felt the need to compare herself to others at the gym. She said no. The best part, though, was when I talked to her a month later and I asked her,

“So, do you worry about how you look when you’re at the gym?”

She looked at me like I was an idiot and said, “No. Why would I do that?” as if she had never felt that before.

That’s what real change is.  If you think about it, there are probably plenty of things that have changed for you over the years that you take for granted now. It may have taken a long time to get there, but that’s how you know you’ve changed: it’s just normal for you now.

Of course, keep in mind you don’t need years to get to that point. If you have the right tools you can skip right to making the intimidating change a normal, everyday way of being.

Leave a comment and share your thoughts.

I used to be a wallflower.  I was the guy in high school who kept mostly to myself.  I got a little better in college, but I was still pretty shy.  Over the years, though, I’ve changed as I’ve used 3D Mind on my own insecurities.

The thing, though, is that you can’t just sit down and start clearing out limiting beliefs and one day wake up a superman.  There’s a process to all things, and one of the things that has been a weak point for me for years is building relatioships with people.  Lately, I’ve been reflecting on what I want out of other people and how to relate to them.

After all, the theoretical “Super Dave” could be some awesomely outgoing guy who’s the life of the party and is loved by all.  Except that that is the complete opposite of the problem.  If I didn’t feel deficient in the relationship area, then I wouldn’t need to feel like “Super Dave.”  So there has to be another way.

Read the rest of this entry »

Here’s a blog I found recently.  I like a lot of how this guy thinks and how he challenges some of the things that are ridiculous in people’s perceptions.  I particularly like this one on why you should live each day to the fullest.  Check out The Last Psychiatrist Blog.

3D Mind is all about getting to the root of what’s going on.  One thing that makes it difficult sometimes, though, is that after the initial reaction or belief that sears itself into the mind, we have reactions to that reaction.  We beat ourselves up after the fact.  We try to make sense of why we didn’t meet our own expectations with a judgment of ourselves.  From there, we elaborate on the judgments we made until we have a whole host of reasons to blame other people, the world, and ourselves.

I’m lazy.  I’m a loser.  I can’t do it.  I’m not good enough.  I’ll never be…  These are all excuses and rationalizations we make to explain what went wrong because what really happened was too quick for us to notice.  We felt something and reacted and tried to explain away the aftermath, but instead only confusing the issue. Read the rest of this entry »

I’ve been working at personal change, both for myself and others, for at least a few years now.  If there’s anything I’ve noticed that’s a real pitfall when one is trying to change, it’s giving up.    And everyone does it.

I mean, we’ve spent our lives trying to avoid the things we’d really like to overcome.  If we didn’t want to avoid them, then they wouldn’t be a problem in the first place!  It would be great if it were simple enough to just immediately get over the problem and not have to sweat it.  Even with 3D Mind, though, sorting out your mind, behaviors and life in general is still a lot of work.  It’s easy to fall back on the behaviors we’re trying to change.

That’s life.  Unfortunately, it’s hard to examine ourselves in a completely objective way like an engineer programming a computer.  In a way, we ARE the computer, so any programming we do on ourselves can be muddled by what’s already there.  That just means it takes more work to see through our own mental crap to get to the other side. Read the rest of this entry »