Let me show you something amazing...
Last month, I had my 10 year high school reunion. A lot of people look forward to something like that with trepidation, going so far as to make excuses for not going. But not me.
I was really, really curious. 10 years is a long time, and people change. I know this for a fact, after all.
I think what I wanted to know most, though, was if I had really changed. Over time, small changes add up, but unless you have something to compare it to, it seems like you haven’t gone anywhere.
It WAS very different, and so was I.
In high school, I didn’t have many friends. I was more of a wallflower and I didn’t make many connections back then. I realized just how few connections I made when out of 40 people who showed up, I really only knew one of them well and a small handful in passing. The point of a reunion is to re-connect, and I didn’t have that. Now, the old me would have stuck by that one friend all night like a lost puppy and would have hardly uttered a word.
But not the me I am now.
I made it a point to talk to EVERYONE simply because I could. I met some people I should have met in the first place 10 years ago, and I was actually comfortable doing so. It was fun!
It was also completely different than I used to act. I found that very affirming that what I do works. Hell, I was even different from how I used to be just a few years ago!
What’s my secret? Well, the obvious answer is 3D Mind, but that’s only part of it. A little over a year ago, I took a sales job selling furniture. Commission-based pay with big-ticket items makes for a big challenge. I wanted to be even more comfortable talking to and interacting with people, and what better place to learn than a hostile environment such as sales?
I mean, let’s face it. Most people don’t trust sales people at all. They’re determined to not like them. That makes it MUCH more difficult for me to overcome my insecurities and get comfortable talking to people.
And when I look at it that way, I can’t help but think I’m either a giant dumbass or a glutton for punishment or both.
But that’s okay because it worked. I’m very aware that there’s still lots more to work on and learn when it comes to relating to people, building relationships, and getting what I want in an interaction with other people, but that’s okay too.
So why haven’t I mentioned any of this?
I discovered I’m a horrible salesman, and I have to admit that it bothers me that with the skillset I have in overcoming personal blocks, I’m still not a glowing picture of success. But I’ve learned a couple things that I want to share.
First of all, playing to your strengths is a good thing. My original personality doesn’t lend itself well to sales. I’ve had to work really hard to get somewhat comfortable to where I feel like a reasonably outgoing guy. I could put a lot more effort into becoming a perfect salesman, but because that’s not naturally what I want to be, it’s going to take a lot more effort.
Another thing I learned is the true meaning of “to thine own self be true.” I don’t want to master sales because I don’t like playing games with people. I don’t like half-truths, false enthusiasm, or bullshit. I can’t make a career out of fighting my co-workers like a starving hyena. Finally, I’m ambivalent about making money. Having enough of it is great, but making it isn’t a real goal as far as I’m concerned. Money is that thing that follows if you’re doing something worthwhile that you enjoy.
So the fact that I’ve sucked pretty well has bothered me, but there’s something else that has kicked my butt. It’s the fact that for anyone, even me, seeing through one’s own bullshit, rationalizations, and excuses is HARD.
Our emotions create a filter that influences how we see ourselves and the world around us and subtly affect the stories we tell ourselves to explain our lives to ourselves. Our reasonings just make so much sense to us that it’s hard to see past them. I was so convinced that I could figure out my problems on my own, that I knew I was right and let myself buy into my own bullshit. And I got stuck in a rut.
So that’s where you have to call in a lifeline, which is what I did.
I worked with Tom for a few weeks. He cut through my excuses to get to the core of the issue, just as you’d expect of the creator of 3D Mind. His advice was to stop doing the same thing I’ve been doing that’s made me miserable. I was so focused on trying to succeed at what I was trying to do at my sales job that I have persisted much longer than I should have. Even though I hate it, I stuck with it out of pride.
Believe me when I say that letting yourself get stuck in a situation that you hate is the best way to get your life stuck in general. Everything starts to look like crap.
So I’ve been avoiding saying this to whoever reads this blog looking for advice or inspiration in being successful in their own lives:
I sucked at something I tried to do.
Oh well. Now I’ll just have to start finding something else. That’s the advice I got from Tom, anyway, and I can’t find any fault in it.
So here I am eating crow.
But then there’s that class reunion. I’ve learned a few things, so it wasn’t really a failure so much as a learning experience. So now, rather than letting myself get stuck in that rut, I’m going to try something. I’m going to share my “learning experiences” as well as my successes. If nothing else, it should be entertaining. You never know, and that’s the attitude I took going into that 10 year high school reunion. The result was a memorable, fun, and self-affirming experience.
So let’s see what else I can come up with, eh?
