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I used to be a wallflower.  I was the guy in high school who kept mostly to myself.  I got a little better in college, but I was still pretty shy.  Over the years, though, I’ve changed as I’ve used 3D Mind on my own insecurities.

The thing, though, is that you can’t just sit down and start clearing out limiting beliefs and one day wake up a superman.  There’s a process to all things, and one of the things that has been a weak point for me for years is building relatioships with people.  Lately, I’ve been reflecting on what I want out of other people and how to relate to them.

After all, the theoretical “Super Dave” could be some awesomely outgoing guy who’s the life of the party and is loved by all.  Except that that is the complete opposite of the problem.  If I didn’t feel deficient in the relationship area, then I wouldn’t need to feel like “Super Dave.”  So there has to be another way.

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It’s a multi-billion dollar industry, you know.  There are thousands of different books, tapes, CDs and DVDs out there.  There are hundreds of different techniques and theories and guides on how to live the right way.  It can be pretty confusing.  And most of it is crap.

You see, the reason there is such a variety of viewpoints out there is that no one really knows for sure what works.  Most people just grasp at straws and are quick to celebrate anything that seems to work.  And then there’s the fact that people are desperate.  Desperate people do crazy things.

There’s an easy way to not get caught in it, though.  Read the rest of this entry »

A few days ago, I was working with a friend of mine who’s trying to build a business. He was getting stressed out because things weren’t going well and he was getting overwhelmed, so I gave him a hand in sorting out his head and his supposed “fear of failure”. One of the things I found when working with him was a pattern I’ve been noticing more and more lately.

At first, he thought his issue was about not having the money he needed. That, however, is just the end of the process, not the cause of the real problem. The real problem is where he gets stopped in doing the things that will lead to him making money, but because he was generalizing “money” as the cause of his problems, he couldn’t see the real problems because he was so focused on that end result.

So here’s the pattern. Read the rest of this entry »

Recently I worked 3D Mind with a great guy who’d made a mistake, and it cost him. There was a car accident and he was sober, but someone else died and so he went to prison for over a year. Obviously, it wasn’t a pleasant experience, but his time in prison isn’t the focus today. It’s how it affected him later and what the simple cause of his problem really was.

He came to me because he was afraid to go out on the town. He didn’t want to run into people who he’d worked with before he went to prison and lost his job and have to talk to them about it. He wasn’t comfortable talking to his friends about it either. Also, he was avoiding meeting up with a friend he’d made in prison who’d recently gotten out. My client had gotten a basic counseling certificate while in prison and discovered that he enjoyed helping people, so he wanted to help this friend adjust to life after prison.

But he kept avoiding all this with a desperate need to put it all behind him. Now, many people would say that putting it behind you is a good thing, and I generally agree, but the problem was that it was in front of him constantly. It was getting in the way of simple things he wanted to do, like meet up with old friends and continue on with his life. That’s where it crosses the line past regretting the past and causing a problem. Read the rest of this entry »

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