Let me show you something amazing...
3D Mind is all about getting to the root of what’s going on. One thing that makes it difficult sometimes, though, is that after the initial reaction or belief that sears itself into the mind, we have reactions to that reaction. We beat ourselves up after the fact. We try to make sense of why we didn’t meet our own expectations with a judgment of ourselves. From there, we elaborate on the judgments we made until we have a whole host of reasons to blame other people, the world, and ourselves.
I’m lazy. I’m a loser. I can’t do it. I’m not good enough. I’ll never be… These are all excuses and rationalizations we make to explain what went wrong because what really happened was too quick for us to notice. We felt something and reacted and tried to explain away the aftermath, but instead only confusing the issue.
And we go back and forth with it. We avoid it, whatever it was. Or we settle into it and let the suckiness soak right in. Either way, that just makes it worse. So you have to dig through that too.
Here’s what I’ve found. There are several patterns that people adopt to compensate for the problem.
“Someone else did this to me!” This allows you to avoid feeling bad about yourself because you let it happen somehow and that says something about you you don’t like. Usually, there’s anger here to drive you to find something external to fight with.
“I’m just lazy.” If you stay where you’re comfortable and safe (these are the emotions) then you don’t have to face something you’re afraid of.
“I just can’t do it.” Same thing. If you don’t try, you can avoid feeling inadequate or undeserving.
“What’s the point?” Nothing stops you quite like depression. If you settle into self-pity and wallow in it, then you don’t have to fight with the thing that keeps you stuck anymore. It’s a relief and an escape, really.
“I would only be disappointed, anyway.” Why take the risk of trying something different if you may end up feeling even worse? Avoiding trying allows you to stay safe in where you are now so you don’t have to face the failure that you believe to be inevitable-even though the only way to fail for sure is to avoid trying.
“I don’t care” Detachment is another great way of avoiding feeling bad. This statement is, of course, a lie. Keeping an emotional distance allows you to safely avoid feeling crappy.
“I never want to be like those people!” This is a response that’s based on fear. The reality is that there’s a limiting belief of some sort that keeps you from being able to do it, but claiming it to be a conscious choice gives you a (false) sense of control.
“I know all about this.” Nothing gives a sense of power, control, familiarity and self-importance quite like understanding something. This one fuels all the attempts we make to explain or rationalize our problems. Instead of feeling like a helpless bystander to our problems, we feel more like an equal partner with them and can accept them-and thus avoid doing anything about them.
These are, I find, the ones that pop up most often to run people in circles. There are more patterns that go on in people’s minds and in their behavior, but these are the most insidious because these are the ones that people adopt to either avoid or accept their problems. These actually, in one twisted way or another, make them feel better. And something that makes you feel better has to be good for you, right?
Not so much. You can start, though, by recognizing them and you’ll have a huge leg up on your own problems.
